three words: i give head
three words: not that well
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
