His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference