So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
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Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.