By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
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I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
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He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.