9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
