you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
