Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
