NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
