I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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