wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
