I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
