it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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