I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
