Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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