Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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