and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
