PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
