her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
