So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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