How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
