Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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