We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
