shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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