If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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