Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How's work?
Spinning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
