Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
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Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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