I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
