So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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