i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
