i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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