Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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