Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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