why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
