Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
