oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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