I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
