I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
