I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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