So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
