I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
