pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
