You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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