stop calling my apartment porn island.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
