she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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