You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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