sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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