So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
