mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize