Your face is a jimmy john
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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