I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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