i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
