A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
