When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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