i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
