My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
