i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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