"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
