I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize