yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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