but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
