I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
