I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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