Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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