Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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