On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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