i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
