It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
