May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
