shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
