Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
