He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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