I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
