Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
