i wish starbucks made bloody marys
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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