Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
