I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
